The Science of Deduction

kittensandjam:

theonlyconsultingdetective:

“Part of me thinks you’re saying the words you think I need to hear, rather than what you actually feel.”  Sherlock sighed and curled slightly.  “As for my part, I feel wretched.  As if the sun of this morning has not just gone behind clouds, but I’m in a hurricane, all happiness gone, and the swirling anxieties and agonies are going to blow me away.  Don’t leave me alone, John.”  He put his head down and fell into almost a trance, staring ahead, trying not to think about anything as John stroked his hair.

He sat up after about three hours.  “Sherlock’s been sad,” Liam noted.  “I know what will help!”  He stood and opened his box of crayons and wrote on paper from the printer in large and brightly coloured letters.  You are brilliant, one note read.  You are amazing.  You are wonderful.  You are the cleverest man ever.  You are beautiful.  You are loved.  I love you.  John loves you.  My loves you.  Molly loves you.  Mrs. Hudson loves you.  Avery loves you.  Zap loves you.  He finished, drawing happy faces and flowers on all the notes, and took the tape to put them on all the things Sherlock looked at most—his violin case, his computer, the medicine cabinet, his case files.  “This way, when he sees them, he remembers.  You should write some too.”  Liam looked at John and tilted his head.  “You’re still sad, too.  Don’t be sad.”  Liam wrapped his arm around John and began to sing.  “You are my sunshine, my only sunshine, you make me happy when skies are grey, you’ll never know, dear, how much I love you, please don’t take my sunshine away.”

John smiled warmly before he picked up all the pieces of paper off the floor. He taped them up to the wall so Sherlock would see them when he was back.

Liam made Sherlock some brownies, with help from John. After this, they watched some old cartoons, ones that John had checked out beforehand so they wouldn’t trigger him. Liam seemed much happier than Sherlock, in fact, he seemed the happiest he’d ever been. John sorted out Sherlocks latest case files in order.

By the time Sherlock came back into dominance, he seemed to be in a slightly better frame of mind. “Look in your room.” John smiled, gesturing to the door. Sherlock frowned, and paced over.

He opened the door cautiously, opened it up and saw the pieces of paper taped to the walls.  He closed his eyes and smiled, a tear rolling down his cheek.  “Thank you.”  He took John’s hand.  “Thank you both.”  He sighed deeply.  “I’m fortunate.  I have someone to remind me life is worth living after all.”  He reached in and brushed John’s lips with his own.  “I…it’s not love.  It’s deeper.  Or maybe it is love, I’m not sure.  I…you…symbiosis.  More than an emotional bond, it’s one that keeps us both alive.”  He seemed exhausted.  “Thank you.  For everything you’ve ever done for me.”  He smiled weakly.  “I don’t want to talk right now.  I just need touch.  An embrace.  To…cuddle.”  He changed into his pyjamas and lay on his bed, and when John had joined him, he lay next to him, on his side, breathing into John’s neck, one arm over John’s chest and the other between them.  “Healer,” he muttered, taking a deep comfort in John’s body heat, taking in deep breaths of his natural perfume for a few minutes before shifting to listen to John’s heart.  Liam curled up on Sherlock’s other side while Avery watched, smiling tenderly—Sherlock hadn’t taken any of his medication all day.  And for once, Sherlock was perfectly content with John on one side, Liam on the other, both keeping him warm as Louis warmed his feet.  “Love,” he muttered into John’s chest, half-asleep before starting to snore gently.  “You,” he said five minutes after the snoring began, still asleep, and smiling softly.

kittensandjam:

theonlyconsultingdetective:

Sherlock wrapped his arms around John, eyes almost deadened.  “I’m useless now.  I can’t love, I can’t work, I can’t think, I feel like…like…”  He cut off, frowning, trying to keep himself under control.  “You haven’t upset me.  I’ve upset me.  Reason has upset me.”  He lowered his head, almost entirely leaning on John for support.  “If you hadn’t come into my life, if you hadn’t had to watch me disintegrate, if you’d married Jeanette or Sarah or whatever her name was with the nose or freckles, you’d be happy.  I’m the problem.  I’m dragging you down with me.  I’m troubled and it’s making you miserable.  The danger of friendship.”  Sherlock’s long fingers dug into John’s shirt rather desperately.  “Part of me thinks that severing that tie, that the drowning man sacrificing himself so the other can live, that emotional amputation, that you’d be better off without me, that the world would be better off without me, that the best thing to do on everyone’s part would be to—ngh.”  He was cut off by emotion, trying his hardest not to sob and falling further against John in an almost complete collapse.  “Father was right about me.  Failure.  Hopeless intermittent drug addict with no steady job, no social skills, a walking, ticking time bomb, and fewer friends than I can count on one hand.”  He dug in further, voice shaking far more than he wanted it to, betraying just how miserable he felt.  “You can’t leave me alone right now, not for an instant.  I don’t want to live, and I’m finding it very hard to find reasons to need to.”

“I won’t leave. I can see how low you’re feeling.” John put his arm around Sherlock. “Your dad wasn’t right about you, Sherlock. You’re more brilliant than you believe.” He took Sherlock over to the bed and made sure he was comfortable. “I’m staying. I clearly can’t leave, and I don’t really want to. The fact that you think I’d settle for a boring, predictable and tepid relationship over someone as brilliant as you has baffled me.” Sherlock sniffed and put his head on Johns lap. “You have reasons to live, and you know how much the world would suffer without you. When you came back after you’d faked your own death, everything was a mess. I could never go through that again.”

“Part of me thinks you’re saying the words you think I need to hear, rather than what you actually feel.”  Sherlock sighed and curled slightly.  “As for my part, I feel wretched.  As if the sun of this morning has not just gone behind clouds, but I’m in a hurricane, all happiness gone, and the swirling anxieties and agonies are going to blow me away.  Don’t leave me alone, John.”  He put his head down and fell into almost a trance, staring ahead, trying not to think about anything as John stroked his hair.

He sat up after about three hours.  “Sherlock’s been sad,” Liam noted.  “I know what will help!”  He stood and opened his box of crayons and wrote on paper from the printer in large and brightly coloured letters.  You are brilliant, one note read.  You are amazing.  You are wonderful.  You are the cleverest man ever.  You are beautiful.  You are loved.  I love you.  John loves you.  My loves you.  Molly loves you.  Mrs. Hudson loves you.  Avery loves you.  Zap loves you.  He finished, drawing happy faces and flowers on all the notes, and took the tape to put them on all the things Sherlock looked at most—his violin case, his computer, the medicine cabinet, his case files.  “This way, when he sees them, he remembers.  You should write some too.”  Liam looked at John and tilted his head.  “You’re still sad, too.  Don’t be sad.”  Liam wrapped his arm around John and began to sing.  “You are my sunshine, my only sunshine, you make me happy when skies are grey, you’ll never know, dear, how much I love you, please don’t take my sunshine away.”

kittensandjam:

deastrumquodvicis:

I (sherlockholmesofbakerstreet, sherlock-of-221b, scienceofdeductioncases, theconsultingblogger, risgerson, notthecopilot, heartofvibranium, theonlyconsultingdetective, birds-foot-trefoil, piratecaptainliam, zimniisneg, mistermycroft, spiderinaweb, richbrookthestoryteller, sh-consulting-detective, and deducingtheundead) will be away from Tumblr, away from my native country, even, for the next week, starting today and ending on June 6.  I’ll probably need some recuperation time, so regular RP service will resume on June 7.

I have set up queues that will post once a day on the accounts that are actively being followed (most of them), so enjoy the queuing and hello new followers!

[[And that means I won’t be RPing either.]]

((oh, I dunno, John and Zap could have text conversations.))